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Don't Cook That

Recipes people really printed. Recipes you really shouldn't make.

Beer brewed from sulphuric acid. Bread risen with hydrochloric acid. A peacock re-dressed in its own feathers with camphor burning in its beak. All of it published as normal, sensible cooking.

144recipes, verified
48real cookbooks
1831–1929and proud of it
Today's terrible idea

Beer of Sulphuric Acid

Dilute battery acid, orange syrup, two gallons of water. “Entirely harmless, even if taken in considerable quantities.”

☠️ Poison Pantry Call poison control

The 20th Century Home Cook Book · 1906

The greatest hits

If you only ever read nine of these, make it these nine.

Peacock

“Kill a peacock by thrusting a quill into his brain,” roast it, re-dress it in its own feathered skin on iron wires, and set burning camphor in its beak at table.

🤢 Frankly Gross Big yikes

Cassell's New Dictionary of Cookery · 1912

Syllabubs Under the Cow

Sugar, lemon, a pint of sherry and a glass of brandy in a punch bowl — then “take it to the dairymaid, and let her milk the cow into the bowl until it is quite full.” Stands overnight.

🧪 Bad Science Yikes

Cassell's New Dictionary of Cookery · 1912

Canker in the Mouth (frog butter)

Boil a pound of butter, add “four common green frogs,” cook until dry, stir in alum. For canker of the mouth, throat or stomach. Said to be infallible.

🤢 Frankly Gross Big yikes

The House-Keeper's Guide and Indian Doctor · 1851

Bonbons cast in leaden moulds

“Provide leaden moulds… oiled with oil of sweet almonds.” Boiling candy syrup goes straight into the lead. The sweets are for children.

☠️ Poison Pantry Call poison control

Mackenzie's Ten Thousand Receipts · 1867

Larks in Onions (Italian Recipe)

Eight larks boned and baked inside four Spanish onions, then glazed and served with the heads put back on — “from which the eyes should be removed.”

🤢 Frankly Gross Big yikes

Mrs. Beeton's All About Cookery · 1907

Salt Test for Poisonous Mushrooms

“The best rule” for telling a deadly fungus from a safe one: salt the gills and watch the colour. Yellow, poisonous. Black, edible. It is a coin flip.

🧪 Bad Science Call poison control

Household Discoveries and Mrs. Curtis's Cook Book · 1914

The Whale-Carcass Rheumatism Cure

American whalemen's cure for rheumatism: open the carcass “while the interior still retains some warmth” and put the patient in from the loins down.

💊 Doctor's Orders Big yikes

Meals Medicinal · 1905

Yorkshire Christmas Pie

The true Yorkshire pie: a boned fowl sewn inside a goose, packed round with pigeon, partridge and hare in a raised crust. An 1832 specimen broke down carrying itself.

🎩 Just Plain Weird Iffy

Kettner's Book of the Table · 1877

Common Ratafia

“Nutmegs, 8 oz., bitter almonds, 10 lbs., Lisbon sugar, 8 lbs., ambergris, 10 grs.” Bruised and infused three days in ten gallons of proof spirit.

☠️ Poison Pantry Call poison control

Mackenzie's Ten Thousand Receipts · 1867

14 Horrifying Ways They Preserved Food Before the Fridge

Fourteen ways to keep food through the winter, from the century before anyone could check whether they worked.

Read the list →

Preservation of fresh meal (tainted meat) · Sulphuric-Acid Fumigation of Tainted Meat · Russian Mode of Preserving Fruit · Borated Fish · Lime-Juice Cordial · and 9 more

Every one of these is real

That is the whole trick. We don't write the recipes — we just find them and point.

Printed, not invented

Every recipe is transcribed from a real cookbook published between 1831 and 1929, and every page links to the original so you can check us.

Rated on the Yikes Scale

One dot means “odd.” Five means the recipe contains something now regulated as a poison. We are not subtle about which is which.

Told what actually happens

Under every recipe, a plain note on precisely what would go wrong — written by people who looked it up rather than guessed.