These are historical documents, not instructions. Do not cook, drink, or apply anything on this site.
Don't Cook That

🎩 Just Plain Weird

Harmless, baffling, and printed in complete earnest.

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10 recipes, worst first.

To Catch Wild Ducks or Geese Alive

The entire recipe: “Soak wheat in strong alcohol, and scatter where they are in the habit of feeding, and take them while they are drunk.”

🎩 Just Plain Weird Iffy

Buckeye Cookery · 1880

To Keep Oysters Alive and Fatten

Stand the oysters in a tub “with their mouths upwards” and feed them salt water “by dipping in a broom and frequently passing over their mouths.” Add meal to fatten.

🎩 Just Plain Weird Iffy

Housekeeping in Old Virginia · 1879

Bearnaise Sauce (invalid version)

Four tablespoons of shortening creamed into four egg yolks, with tarragon vinegar and onion juice. A béarnaise for patients, made with Crisco.

🎩 Just Plain Weird Iffy

Modernistic Recipe-Menu Book · 1929

The goodly terms of Carving

Kettner reprints the carving vocabulary from Wynkyn de Worde's 1508 “Booke of Kervinge,” where every creature has its own verb.

🎩 Just Plain Weird Iffy

Kettner's Book of the Table · 1877

Pickle for Corning Beef

Three gallons of water, 6¾ pounds of salt, 2½ pounds of sugar, a pint of molasses — and “1 ounce pearlash.” Sufficient for fifty pounds of beef.

🎩 Just Plain Weird Iffy

Mrs. Fryer's Loose Leaf Cook Book · 1922

Yorkshire Christmas Pie

The true Yorkshire pie: a boned fowl sewn inside a goose, packed round with pigeon, partridge and hare in a raised crust. An 1832 specimen broke down carrying itself.

🎩 Just Plain Weird Iffy

Kettner's Book of the Table · 1877

Toast Sandwiches for Invalids

“Toast carefully a very thin slice of bread… lay it between two slices of thin bread and butter,” each seasoned with a very little mustard and salt. That is the recipe.

🎩 Just Plain Weird Iffy

The British Cookery Book · 1864

Good Mincemeat Without Intoxicants

Five pounds of beef, twice the apple, a quart of boiled cider and no spirits at all. The title does the framing; the canning method does the damage.

🎩 Just Plain Weird Odd

Good Housekeeping's Cook Book · 1909

Adulteration (the trade's defense)

A trade encyclopedia mounts the defence: “at least half the accusations are unfounded,” and mustard cut with flour is “not only harmless but… perfectly proper and justifiable.”

🎩 Just Plain Weird Odd

The Grocer's Encyclopedia · 1911

Boiled Eggs at the Soda Fountain

“Several large dispensers through the West have introduced the novelty of boiling eggs at the soda fountain, to order” — served in a little silver cup, eaten from the shell.

🎩 Just Plain Weird Odd

The American Soda Book of Receipts and Suggestions, 1905 · 1905